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Author Archives: admin

To my daughter

I was looking on this blog today for a picture of me when I was little, someone has asked for it for something they are doing for their wedding. I found this post in drafts. I decided to publish it. It’s exposing and raw but it’s motherhood. I don’t think anyone reads this blog much … Continue reading »

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Hello, thank you for visiting Holly’s Hobby. I have a new home. You can find all my depressing inspiring and reflective writing over there. If you are kind enough to follow me you might need to resubscribe. Thanks for your support.

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Anatomy of depression

She felt it start at the top of her head.  It started to slowly, insidiously take hold.  Like a blanket one might use to put out a small fire.  It cut off the life supply and put out all the lights.  She knew when it was coming.  It started to reach her throat and  constrict … Continue reading »

Categories: depression | 5 Comments

The Daily Apology

She’s lost her temper, no warm up, no warning.  The rush of blood hits the surface and whoosh out it comes.  The shout.  It’s loud, it’s frightening for those in the room and it’s completely unacceptable behaviour for a woman old enough to know better. But it’s hard to control.  No.  It’s uncontrollable.  She’ll try … Continue reading »

Categories: Anger, depression, Writing Workshop | 2 Comments


A hat slightly obscuring your face, lying like a sun-goddess on your clicky bed.  I sat next to you, making daisy chains, playing with my imaginary friends – they were real to me of course.  My sisters were off exploring in the woods, building a camp or dam in the stream.  You wanted me to … Continue reading »

Categories: Mother, Summer, Writing Workshop | 9 Comments


Lines on my face show the night’s white noiseThe grey in my hair shows my ageThe defeated shadows in my eyes are your criesAnd this poem I write is my stage Between you you plot to test my resolveYou speak in words I don’t hearYour innocence belies your crafty planCome evening you fill me with … Continue reading »

Categories: poem, Sleep problems | 3 Comments

My manifesto

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The Recurring Dream

She arrives looking smart, same age, same hair, same person.  I’m surprised at this.  I thought she’d gone forever.  She’s guarded, distant.  I’m sad.  “Why did you leave us?” “I had to” “But why?” Nothing.  “You can’t come back.  John’s* remarried, he has children.  We don’t need you now, you’ll have nowhere to live. “ … Continue reading »

Categories: Dream, Grief, Mother | 1 Comment

Why we had to move

I trudged up the high street trying to simultaneously speak on the phone, eat an apple and push the Titanic.  I was sleep deprived, fat, looking 10 years older and wondering when I started to loathe London so much.  I got home, manouvred the Titanic down the steps and just got the front wheel over the … Continue reading »

Categories: Countryside, Moving house, Writing Workshop | 9 Comments